Friday, April 26, 2013

The Hardest Part Of Being A Friend

"It's 8:30 a.m., and I am emotionally startled by my alarm sounding across the room to say the least, 
even though not one hour has passed that I have not thought of this uneasy day to come.
 It is the day I will sadly have to watch my best friend put her daddy to rest."

Nothing hurts quite like thumbing through your wardrobe for something black, something mournful to wear on such a sad day. I realized hours before that I would have to do this, but the actual doing it was harder than the thought. I can't do this, Lord. Not by myself. I begged. I stood in a daze inside my closet with different thought processes of what she must be feeling on this day, they completely filled my imagination, until the sharp coolness of the thin black line of mascara cascading down my left cheek awoke me from my trance. It was time to leave to go to the funeral home, so I grabbed my trusty tube of red lipstick, a small cross to carry in my the palm of my hand and the door handle. The sharp slamming sound of the door behind me startled yet another to hardship to come.   

There she was, sitting on a couch with her mama across from her daddy's electric blue casket, a perfect match for his old chevrolet truck he loved so much.In an effort to add a laugh in we both went right to the memory of us driving that old blue truck of his wildly in the field behind her old house, blaring every mixed tape that we had at the time. Pull it together, I tell myself, she needs me to be strong for her, but the tears did not cease to fall. I gave her the best hug I had in me and then I sat down beside her watching the photo slide show she had put together for everyone to look back on. There were many a memories in that photo slide show that I had been apart of, many and almost all that had a laugh behind them and I was so relieved to see that in her on this day, one of the hardest days of her life. She knew her daddy wanted her to be strong and remember all the good times so she picked photo's that would remind her to smile. It was just before eleven, it was time to say our goodbyes so we waited patiently in the funeral home's service room for the family to walk in, we all stood as amber, her aunt along side her holding her up, and her mom walked down the aisle toward the preacher, a good friend of her daddy's. My dear friend was emotionally and physically unable to stand at this point. It was so very hard to watch, to hear the echos of her cries, I prayed his words would comfort her spirit in some way, even though I was sure her sorrow blurred much of her attention at that point. I couldn't believe I was watching her follow her daddy's casket out the side door of the funeral home, I felt so, so helpless. 

As I walked alongside one of our other good friends toward the grave site, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful a day it was. The sun was shining just perfectly with just enough wind for comfort. Shouldn't it be raining, I thought? But it must have been a joyful day in Heaven too I thought, God wanted all of us on earth to know her daddy was being taken good care of so he sent down just enough sunshine to express it. I stood there outside the tent watching my friend grieve so hard over her daddy, He left me she cried, He wasn't suppose to ever leave me, but the truth was he hadn't really left her he was just gone for a while now, I wanted her so bad to understand that. She turned toward us, her two best friends, and gave us the look of sadness I will never forget, all I could do was look back at her with unknowing eyes of what she was going through, so I kissed the small cross nestled in between my fingers for her. Before I left her side, I couldn't help but notice the single tear of hers that had fallen onto his beautiful casket. It would forever mark his memory, and I just knew he had to of felt it from where he was now. I hugged her again, but this time I would have to let her go, I left one last word of encouragement with her and told her again, He will always be near you wherever you go. I'm here sweet friend, I'm here always. 

1 comment:

  1. so, so sorry for your friends (and your) loss. Death is so incredibly hard. Your friend is blessed to have you by her side during this tough times. Praying for peace for you both.


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