Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Saddest Post I've Ever Written

It's 6:15 a.m. on a Thursday morning and I wake up fifteen minutes earlier than usual for work to the most heart wrenching text I have ever received from my best friend, it reads: 
"My dad died". "He had a massive heart attack last night, it hurts so bad"
  Amber what??!! Can I call you or are you too upset, tell me what to do i'm here sweet friend, 
I'm here. 
This has to be just a bad dream, I thought.
 It wasn't. 

And this has to be the most saddest post I have ever written, I am heartbroken, my dear friend is living in the bad dream I thought I was potentially having in that hour I awoke. She had written me that text around twelve thirty that night but because I was asleep I didn't receive it until a little later. This nightmare of reality was all the sudden happening to my best friend, my soul sister, we were conjoined to the heart at our very entrance to this world and it is tearing me apart seeing her go through all of this pain. We grew up together all our lives from since I can remember. We did donuts in the field behind her old house on the fourwheeler, we cried over each others numerous animals that passed away, we made up stoopid skits with our recording cassette player because we had nothing better to do than be silly, talked each other through our first menstrual cycles, pushed each other through high school then soon college and always found something crazy to do that would make us pee all over ourselves. And she was essential to my wedding day, she was there. We have always been each others barrier, I would help her through anything and so would she, but I never imagined I would have to help her get through something like this. I could have never prepared myself to either. She was miles away from me that Thursday morning and my arms just couldn't reach that far, I would not rest until she was home, home where I could take care of her. Her daddy was like a second dad to me, and I can remember him telling us two to always take care of each other and that is exactly what I'm going to do.

Today was the day I would see her for the first time in months, I never planned to see her like this, but this life isn't much of a plan is it? I tried my best to prepare myself for the worst, prayed to God on the drive to her house for the right words to say that would comfort her the most, seems like I prayed the whole drive over there, it's amazing that my Jeep made it there in one piece because my eyes weren't fixed on the yellow lines dividing each half of the road at all. She needs me Lord, help me do your will, help me help her somehow Lord. 

I finally made it to her house, I spot her daddys white z71 truck she had to painfully drive 8 hours back alone in just hours before, just before I grasp the door handle to get out and it hits me like a rock thrown in a window. My heart is just before beating right out of my chest when I see her coming towards me and there came the tears. 

I reach out to hold her but she's weightless, her body so frail from so much stress and confusion, she's weak,  she hasn't eaten in three days, sick with a horrible cough from standing in the pouring rain without a care if lightning struck her at that moment, drowning in tears after finding out the news of her daddys passing, it was all I could do to hold her up. So I tell her, we've got to get some food in your stomach, we've got to take care of you too. She agrees to it finally without a fuss, I take her to get some mashed potatoes because she thinks it's the best food she can hold down. Afterwards I make a quick trip to a local drugstore where I pick up several cans of chicken noodle soup, saltine crackers, a bottle of Sprite along with a bottle of NyQuil for her cold. My arms are full once I reach the register but my heart is even fuller. I'm spilling over the rim emotionally for her. But at the same time, I look across from me as I pull out the parking lot and she is being so strong. She has it all figured out. She knows her fathers wishes and she plans to carry them out. Sadly enough, she has so many people holding knives to her back, yet she has the armor of a warrior on her chest. She is inspiring even in such a situation and I am so proud of her, her daddy would be too.

I love you Friend, stay strong your going to be just fine.

1 comment:

  1. What a sweet friend you are. So sorry for her loss and the hurt you are both feeling. Praying for comfort in the next few weeks ahead for both of you.


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